If I were king......

** The one annoying, arrogant, trash talking, asshole that is on every episode of Fear Factor....
has to play without the harness.

** I would have a button on my steering wheel that detonates any subwoofer within a 200 yard diameter.....and an option to take out the driver.

** I would create a Reality show that begins like Extreme Makeover....
But ends like Punked. Vampire fangs, crossed eyes, clown nose, you get the idea.

More to come.....

Threats Uncommon....

* I will punch you in the throat
* I can shred your spine with a circular saw
* I will smash your face with a propane tank
* I will impale your ribcage with a golf umbrella
* I will crush your skull with the rotting torso of a rodeo clown
* I will pull out your esophagus
* I will come over there and rearrange your face with a shrimp fork. (thanks Ang.)
* For every sprinkle i find....I will kill you! (thanks Stewie).
* I will strike you with force..you silly goose..and it might sting!!! (thanks Homo)
*

Hi Mom!!!!!

Hi, Mom! I can't beleive it's been seven years since you left us. I hate that you can’t be here to share our lives. Ang and I have become so close since you've gone, you would be proud. Be assured that I Love Ang more than anything, and I am looking out for your little sweet pea, (not that she needs it). We both have new kitties, she has Suki and Gracie, and I have 2 sisters, Itchy and Scratchy. You would love them. I love you and miss you more than words can say...… goodbye for now.......Chris

Note to gamers!

I spent $200 on a Gamecube just so I could play Resident Evil 4. 2 words........WELL WORTH EVERY FU*KING DIME..(ok, 5 words)
..I WOULD HAVE SPENT TWICE THAT!!! My sister mentioned it in her blog, www.noodleburgoo.com ,that she has never screamed like a sissy watching a video game........I got the double whammy...The shock of the game and her cowardly shrills ringing in my right ear....The secret is to turn the surround sound up just enough to make the neighbors fudge their huggies...(I have elderly neighbors), then hang on... Let me know if you’ve played.....

Death Metal band names.... that make you feel fine.

* necrotic disgorgement
* rotting Christ
* Abscess
* Prozac staple
* goratory
* drawn and quartered
* cataract
* Guttural secrete
* Anti-depresive delivery
* massmurder
* intense mutilation
* God dethroned

Soon……The “PC” versions….

Light the match....

Eh, I cant come up with anything........enjoy!

Chris