forgive and forget....

My Mom passed away a several years ago, and for the most part she had a miserable life. But she hid it well. It wasn’t until after she died that my sister and I realized just how unhappy she was. Unfortunately the last 12 years of her life, she spent living with what truly has to be the most disgusting, foul……looking for a word here.. Person, no. Human being…..definitely not. Spawn of Satan? There we go. She spent the last 12 years of her existence living with what I now know was the spawn of the devil. If his parents would have just named him Spawn O Satan, it would have made it much easier to identify his curse and maybe Mom wouldn’t have dated him. But his parents are Evil too, so too trick us all they named him Greg.
Mom was very settled, in that she didn’t like change. They had a house together and she didn’t make that much money, so I am sure she stayed with him for fear of not being able to make it on her own. I moved in with them 6 months before she died. 6 months that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I had just gone through a divorce, and could have easily bought my own place, but because she was sick, something told me to stay with mom. I now realize that if I had chosen differently, Mom's suffering would have been much worse.
She was drugged up on morphine most of the time to dull the pain she had in her leg. (She had cancer that damaged her nerves), so she never ate, she didn’t understand what she was watching on TV, she couldn’t understand what you were telling her, she was pretty much a walking vegetable. As sad as that is, the piece of shit she lived with couldn’t care less. And he is the point of this post.
I sort of let it go after Mom died, but my sister felt compelled to write about him, and in my opinion she was way too nice, so here we go. First let me give you the visual. 37 years old, 5 feet 7, pushing 300lbs, giant man-boobs, grey teeth, and a foul odor. Those however are his good points.
Eating with him was dumbfounding. He would eat with his mouth gaping open, and I don’t mean a smack here and there… mouth gaping! Half of what he shoved in came back out. You know the sound when you stir wet mashed potatoes. Double that, Add some gurgling and verps and that was the sound of him eating. The only thing civil about it was that he actually did use a knife and fork, as opposed to cramming food in with his fist, which I suspect he did when he ate alone. He had diabetes, (which I won't make fun of), and 100% of the time he was on schedule with his insulin shot. Which is great, but does no good when you eat an entire bag of candy before bed. Mom used to have to get up 2 or 3 times a week to go in and give him tablets to shock him out of seizures. Even when she could barely speak, she somehow knew when they were happening and would go on to help him. Once she got too sick to help him, he was on his own, I wasn’t about to go in and baby-sit that asshole. I told him once mom is too sick to help that it will be a cold day in hell before I get out of bed in the middle of the night to shove a half dollar size tablet down his throat. It would be one thing if he had a condition that he couldn’t help, but he brought the seizures upon himself by eating candy all night. Fucking dumbass!!!
You have no idea how many times I heard the waterbed shaking in his room for about 20 minutes then suddenly stop. Half the time I expected to go in and find him dead. But he was a trooper, so I never got that lucky. So why did he eat candy all night? He had a bad marijuana habit. He would get home from work, go into the basement smoke a joint, come back up for his feeding frenzy, go back downstairs and smoke some more. Come back up stairs and watch TV and eat for the rest of the evening. He could never keep a job for more then 6 months and once they fired him, he would find a way to sue them. Suing people was his way of making up for lack of income. Once he went into a seizure while driving and injured his thumb. He got at least 3 lawsuits out of that one injury that was his own fault in the first place. He sued the driver that he hit. Then a year later claimed he injured it on the job and sued the company, and then later in another car crash, sued again because the injury was re-aggravated. He was fired for reckless driving, insubordination, and I think once he was actually fired because his co-workers took him out to lunch and witnessed the horror of his eating like a starving cow. Ok, I made that one up.
He also had a temper that I now wish I would have purged by smashing his face in with a man-hole cover, but with Mom being sick I didn’t want to cause any trouble. And bashing his face in might be a little unsettling. He was absolutely the rudest, loudest, cry baby piece of shit on earth. Restaurants, movie theater, the mall, he simply had no idea what a complete fool he repeatedly made of himself in public. Unless I told him, which was quite often. But he didn’t seem to care. I won’t go into it, but his family wasn’t much better. Especially his mom. That bitch I am sure is most of the reason Greg was the way he is. My sister was in college at the time and at least 3 times a week Greg’s mom would tell me “your sister needs to drop out of school and come home to help with your mom!” I finally lost it and told her “I have everything under control; college is the single most important thing right now for her, so shut the fuck up and let it go!!!!!” Her husband looked at me as if to say, “Finally someone said it”. She never mentioned it again. And I was right. Ang came to visit plenty. She was with Mom when she could be. There was really nothing more she could have done.
For so many years after Mom died I held hatred in my heart for that man. Sometimes I was consumed with all the things I never said to him. Consumed with letting him get away with his boorish and disgraceful behavior one more time. But I am older know, and have learned to forgive him. (Thank you G). If I hold hatred in my heart then he just continues to win. And I am better than that, so Greg, all is forgiven. A lesson to all: Forgiveness can heal the heart. Of course it’s a little easier for me to forgive because, well... what comes around goes around. A few years ago, what came around was a massive heart attack killing him before his face hit the floor. What goes around is the fact that he is going straight to hell. If he doesn’t go….. Then we are all safe. Living well is the best revenge? I would never seek revenge. In this case just living is good enough for me.