Insults Uncommon.....

* Your breath smells like Satans Farts. (my favorite)

Ramblings from hell....

First of all, is the Pope still dead?
Because he is still in the news.
Normally I wouldn't notice, but about 2 years ago, I discovered AM talk radio. Once, at 8 in the morning, on the way to the golf course, My Dad was listning to Paul Harvey....and I slipped in a Slayer CD...Turned the knob and watched him lunge to the floor and lay in the fetal position, shaking like Ali on drinking binge.......I always made fun of him for listening to AM........ But here I am getting into the same barrel. Anyway, AM is great for the latest sports, news, a few funny comedy bits, and I thought, the best thing was, I didn't have to hear this fucking rock band play that fucking rock song over and over until I wanted destroy the universe. I thought I was saved........um, no.
I hear over and over how the Pope spoke today in front of 10 million people and said, "uuunnggghhhhhppffffffmmmmmaaaaahuuuuuuh?" What the hell was that? Please, in the name of all that is holy, REPLACE the Pope not more than 7 working days after his 2nd consecutive speech consists only of random sputterings and a translator to explain what he just tried so hard to say. I respect the position, and the man, and the religion, but when it gets to this point, someone please show some mercy...

STORY

Then, over and over, They're putting the food tube in, no, now they are taking it out....
..wait, it's in again, isn't it? Yes, it's in, oops, it fell out...ahhh, there we go....it's in. Did you turn it on?.....I thought they said take it out? It is out.....but you said it was in......??? Are you sure that's the right hole? But look the doctor just picked up a wheelchair battery and crushed in one of the protesters skull!!! It's over now, but would any one of you wanted to live like that...maybe? In a hospital bed being fed by a tube,......maybe?... FOR FIFTEEN YEARS!!!???.. maybe????? Having your annoying parents come over...... time, and time again speaking baby talk for endless hellish hours and there is nothing you can do about it.....??? No way in HELL!! I hate to see a life ended, but in this case, she is in a happier place now... Say "HI!" to my mom for my me and my sister! My Mom is the one kicking the shit out of the fat guy... Thanks!!!

We have a local celebrity (former Miss America), that was in an unfortunate car accident a few years ago. It seems she made a right turn in her SUV, which, I agree is done millions of times a day without a second thought, but in this case her second thought was, “Oh shit, I just drove over this asshole on his bike”. Yeah, it happens, but somehow she is now doing Triple A ads on the radio. I really wish they would have let me write the commercial.
“The guy from Triple A……… Chuck,.. helped me scrape this poor bastard off of the front of my Escalade; and the hood ornament, carefully removed from his brainpan, was easily remounted. He was even nice enough to hose the blood and bone from my chrome grill……THANKS CHUCK!!!!...... I just find it odd that Triple A would hire someone to do local ads that has actually blown a tire on someone’s spinal cord.